Sorry for the long absence. I've been enjoying a two week holiday as it was our school break in New Zealand. I felt I needed to recover, not from the work, but from the social politics at school. It get's quite tiring.
I am in a school that is very fast paced because it is regarded as a top school in New Zealand. This is wonderful career wise, but it has been straining emotion wise. Some people are just so competitive. Sometimes not even competitive but are just drunk on too much power.
I am quite young and new to the profession. You would think that other teachers would be ready to guide and teach you the ways of the profession, seeing that this is a requirement of the job on a daily basis. The irony of this being the exact opposite is so overwhelming. This of course doesn't apply to all persons, only a few and for some reason these few seem to rule your world.
As I continuously battle with my anxiety, these few do not know how to co-exist so that we can all work in an anxiety-free environment. I have theorised that these people treat others poorly because they themselves are treated poorly by other, and so I tried doing random acts of kindness to see if this shifts the scale from a negative environment to a more positive one. It worked - but not for long. After a few weeks it seemed to make things worse.
Say hi to my house leader, my negative, emotionally draining, demanding house leader. I genuinely do not know why but she is just in for the kill every single day. To her I am a wall that does not deserve to be greeted. You could also call me a peasant in her eyes. A worker of a lower grade. Rubbish. Why do I care you might say? I care because it hurts. It hurts to be treated like a nobody. It hurts to be yelled at because you are saying hi, it hurts when you are criticized as a teacher in front of other staff members. I am serious - I am not making this s*** up.
I am writing about this at 1 am because it hurts. I am a human being. I am a person with feelings. I am alone and I am most certainly sad. This has affected my performance, my love of the profession, and my devotion to my job as a staff member of a wider team. I don't want to work for her. I don't want to participate or even have lunch.
If you are a manager, a boss, a project manager, a principal, or any leader of some sort, I urge you to please stop and consider that the workers beneath you have emotions that puncture as would yours with constant negative feedback. We are not your punching bag. We are the foundation of your team. Look after us. A kind word goes such an incredibly long way. Be humble. Talk to us. Ask us about how our day is. We care that you care and it most certainly matters. We actually long to be as a team. If you want us to be nice to a customer, student or a client then lead us by example.
I am overwhelmed by emotion and on the verge of tears as I close this blog entry. I dream so much of a world where kind words slip more easily off the tongue than a look of spite. I am so disappointed in this world but I ever so much believe that there truly is a kinder world out there. It only starts with you.
Take care,
Sara
